In 14-24 Seconds Or Less

If you have not read the book In 7 Seconds or Less, I recommend you do so; it is a story where a journalist is given the opportunity to follow the Phoenix Suns for an entire year as few fans do. The journalist was given almost complete access to the team, including the playoff strategy sessions, coach's meetings, practices, team plane rides, the whole schabang. It's a truly in depth account, and a sports lovers dream.

What if you were given the exact same chance, but with any team in the NBA of your choice? Many fans undoubtedly would choose their favorite teams, but there are teams out there that fans despise that are more interesting than their own team.

Are you thinking about the Spurs? You would be amazed at the ball movement, work ethic of all the players, and the camaraderie, but don't lie to yourself, after a month of the same "you're a great teammate", "no, you're a great teammate!", the lack of drama may get boring.

What if you are a fan of the Sonics, but they're still on sabbatical? Who do you choose instead?

What if you're a fan of the Clippers like myself? Do you take the torture of bad management decisions, a lack of work ethic from players like Zach Randolph, and literally the most vile, cunning, and money hounding owner in the league?

This is an important decision, and I will attempt to come to a conclusion, in a Bill Simmons format.

Wheat Grass Mixed with Soy Sauce Drink

No thanks, I'm not going to try that, just like I'm not going to try these teams.

30. The Los Angeles Clippers. I don't want to torture myself. If I find out the inner-workings of this team, I am afraid I will be thrown into a state of complete disbelief in a successful Clippers team. I'm still holding on to that dream right now. I'm not ready to let it go. I don't plan to. This might just do it though.

29. Detroit Pistons. Yes, there is a chance to see Dumars work his magic, which according to other writers, is actually a Ron Weasley instead of a Dumbledore on a Harry Potter scale (a.k.a. passable), but this team is dead. I don't feel the same passion, the same energy that is DEEEE-TROIT BASKETBALL. They aren't a bad team, but they are a pretty lost team as of now.

28. New Orleans Hornets. Besides Chris Paul, who would be a joy to follow, this team is a mess. I'm not ready for that kind of dedication, and their upside is more of a downside. I wish them luck, I hope CP3 has an mvp caliber season, but they're not my slice of pie. Not this year.

Pecans

27 - 21. Memphis Grizzlies, Golden State Warriors, Sacramento Kings, Charlotte Bobcats, New Jersey Nets, Milwaukee Bucks, Toronto Raptors

Though I dreamt about eating them last night, I have no care in the world for Pecans, just as I have no care for these teams. I do not care so much about the players or the development of these teams. I have nothing against them, but if they came to town to play the Clippers, and I had season tickets, I'd be very likely to give them away.

Pepperoni Pizza

20. New York Knicks. The Knicks are like pepperoni pizza. What's wrong with pepperoni pizza? It's a great flavor, and you can't go wrong with it. Ahh, yes, but let's say you're at the Pizza Parlor of all Pizza Parlors, and can get any pizza you want. Would you go with the flavor you have already tried before, the one you already know, regardless of how good it was, or would you go with a different flavor, a more unique flavor? We've already read about the greatness that is Mike D'Antoni. I would love to do the same thing as the author of the book did, but again, I only have one chance, and I'm going to have to pass on the Pepperoni and try the Pineapple and Curry Chicken on a peanut/tomato sauce

The Cinnamon Toast Crunch

19. San Antonio Spurs. Whats wrong with Cinnamon Toast Crunch? It's perfect at any time, for any meal, snack, or combo. It's never bad, and it produces every time. With the Spurs, you know what you're getting game in and game out. A team that listens to its coach, has good chemistry, and has no internal problems. Injuries will play a big role, but after a month or two, I'll know what to expect on a day to day basis from this team. It's not a bad thing, but I'm at a steak house. I don't want cinnamon toast crunch. I want a filet minon.

Philly Cheesesteak from Philly

If you go to Philadelphia and are a meat eater, you know you're going to have one of these. It's got the upside, and the potential to make some news, but on the other hand, will it be a big enough deal to you? (I have heard they are overrated by the way, sorry to crash the party)

18. Philadelphia 76ers. No, I didn't name the group after realizing Philly would be number 18. I actually named the group and then realized that Philly is the next on this list. This team pushed Orlando around a little, and has the chance to be a fun and interesting team, especially with the development of Andre Iguodala. With a new coach coming in, it would be interesting to see how they mesh, and what happens when the team hits its struggle, because it is not going to be a top 3 team in the east. It will hit its problems. This team gets dropped to this position because of the negative effects of Elton Brand, both on the court and on me. I don't want to spend a year being pissed off at him, or even worse, forgive him for what he did because I now know him. It was not understandable, and it will never be. My professor did that to me recently on research, and it sucked just as much.

17. Dallas Mavericks. They made some noise in these playoffs, and there is room to grow, but their appeal is low. Dirk is a great player, and I want to see him succeed. Jason Kidd was my favorite player for a long time, though Deron Williams has currently taken his spot. I want to see Kidd get a ring before he finishes his career. I feel like this is a top 6 team in the West, but I just don't see a reason to spend a year behind them, besides getting to see Mark Cuban in action. Which is the sole reason they are ranked 17th.

16. Atlanta Hawks. They have the talent, they got into the 2nd round, and had the bad luck of meeting the Cavs. Does this turn into a parallel of the Spurs/Cavs finals, where LeBron realized there was a lot of work to do? We all know how that turned out: the Cavs came out hungry and over the last 2 years have been very good. The Hawks have the potential, but Joe Johnson is getting tired. We'll see what happens next year, but only in front of the scenes.

15. Los Angeles Lakers. I would love to see the real interactions between Kobe and the rest of his team. I would much more love to see the reactions of other teams when they play Kobe, and what they really think of them. I would try to sabotage the Lakers as well, and that's just not right, so no thanks.

14. Phoenix Suns. They are a good team, but are low on potential. We know what each player is going to bring night in and night out. The time to get better is past, we know how they will work together. Predictability is not something I'm looking for at this stage. I have a lot of respect for Nash and Hill, which is why they are up on this list, but other than that, I'm looking elsewhere.

13-12. Indiana Pacers/Minnesota Timberwolves. These teams are very yong and are developing stars in Granger and Jefferson. They are starting to play well together, and may soon develop into a strong team with depth, next years 2007-2008 Blazers. I liked the 07-08 Blazers, and I definitley loved the 08-09 Blazers, so there's a chance these teams follow that path.

11. Miami Heat. This team in the 08-09 season can be compared to the 05-06 Lakers, in that Kobe led a 7th seed team to . . . nowhere, just like Wade did: Wade needed help. But their parts are slowly growing up, and they are one trade/draft pick away from going deeper in the playoffs. How will the coach fare, or will he succumb to the sophomore slump. Will Dwyane Wade, the leader, the star, continue to score in droves and accept it, or will he become frustrated with the lack of talent on the team, and the need for him to shoot 40 times a game! Find out next year, on 'The Young and Restless: Miami"

10. Houston Rockets. Playing the regular season without your stars makes the other players grow. They have to fill in some big shoes, and keep the team afloat. Playing in the second round without two of your biggest stars against a team that is slated to win the championship, and STILL pushing it into a game 7 while being written off by everyone? Yeah, it's going to have a huge confidence boost on next year's team, especially on Brooks and Carl Landry. It's a great team to follow, especially to see how they earn their name as a stat-geek team, how GM Morey works, how Battier learns on the defensive end. It's an awesome team. Just not the one I want to follow.

My Mom's Cheese on Toast (Grilled Cheese done right)

That stuff is bomb, and I have never tasted anything better. Ever. In my life. You can't beat it, unless you eat amazing food created by the world's best chef's. Which is why these teams aren't the food created by the world's best chef's. But you know what? I'd take any of these teams in a heart beat if I were only offered one of these.

10. Cleveland Cavaliers. The pre-game photo shoot. The Chalk. The team chemistry. The defense. The leadership. The greatest player on the planet. I'd love to see this team in action. It would be an amazing thrill ride, and from a more selfish perspective, this would be the team that would most probably involve me more in random things. I would get the best interviews, and a more indepth look at quite possibly, when his career is over, one of the top 5 players to ever play this game. They, however, have hit a stability point, where they are at a peak. They can potentially fall slightly, which may cause some drama, but it's just not as good as it would have been in the season following their Finals loss. They would have been number 1 on my list back then.

9. Boston Celtics. This team is no one person's team. The Big 3 run this team together, and they are completely different personality wise. How they spread their wisdom, and how they work together would be amazing. Rondo developing into a perennial All-Star? I'm in. Perkins becoming a bad-boy (Detroit style) in green? I'm in. Prove to me that their bench is worth following as well, and I'm in all the way. Until that time, they are the same team as the first 60 games of this year, which is great and all, but I know what happened this year. I need some new stuff.

8. Denver Nuggets. I have been fascinated with this team during their postseason run, and it still has not hit me yet that they can actually win a championship. I feel they can definitely beat the Lakers, and because they are so atheltic and deep, if they make it to the finals, they'll be hard to stop. If they are short, how do they respond next year? If they win the title, how do they defend it? Does the team still buy into defense after their successes, when teams can get lazy? Is Coach Karl going to take the heat if this happens? There's a lot of potential for Drama, but again, the team is set. There are no new postions that need to be figured out, again, not looking at free agency. Just not my cup of tea.

7. Portland Trail Blazers. The upside on this team is off the charts. Roy is coming off a huge year and can be in the MVP race. Aldridge is developing into a great player. They've got the Spanish Connecion (spelled correctly, just missing accents). Oden and point guard Steve Blake will provide drama with their development. How will this team gel? Will Aldridge, who has Shawn Marion complex, be able to handle the hype that Roy will undoubtedly be getting as the alpha dog on the team? I struggled putting them this high (it should be high, shouldn't it, as 8 is higher than 1-7), but it had to be done, as you will find out below.

6. Washington Wizards. The return of Agent 0 and the Big 3 Number 2 in the form of Caron Butler and Antawn Jamison. The team's youth had 2 years to develop. Before Gil went out for another year, they were battling the Celtics Big 3, and doing well agains them. They have a lot to prove after last year's debacle. They have a new coach. The chemistry of this team is unknown, except that Arenas is planning on toning it down, which he better do, with that $111 million dollar contract. There are a lot of questions on this team, and it would be great to be a part of their resurgence

Iron Chef Food

I'm not too picky about what I eat, but word on the street is that the Iron Chef's know how to cook damn good meals. These teams are on that level. Only one team though, mastered the use of the secret ingredient to perfection and has the perfect blend of texture, taste, and presentation to win me over.

4. Utah Jazz. Deron Williams, Jerry Sloan, and the 8th seed. These 3 have pushed the Jazz up to number 4 on my list. Deron Williams is my favorite player in the game today, but is viewed as the 2nd best point guard in the league (soon to be 3rd as Derrick Rose becomes lauded as the best thing since sliced bread and slides into the 2nd spot). Will he let that happen, or will he take the reigns and move ahead of Chris Paul? Deron Williams is the LeBron James of the point guard position, in that there is no matchup for him. As a fan of his game, I would love to see him in action and see the team dynamic, which starts with Jerry Sloan. Sloan is the greatest coach to never be recognized as such. He is the last coach to truly control every aspect of the team, to have the last say in all matters. Just to see him at work would be amazing, especially in his old school ways. As for the team, how do they respond to their flop last year as an 8th seed coming off a Conference Finals showing? They have the potential to win a title in the near future, if they make the right moves, and get it together at the right time. The Jazz will creep in the background, not bringing much attention to themselves, and at the same time, have the chance to come roaring out of the gates when the time comes. And still, they are only number 4.

3. Chicago Bulls. The potential for drama on this team is at an all-time high, higher than TNT even knows. And TNT knows drama. An epic 7 game battle against the Celtics can only make them better. The expectations will be great. How will they respond? If Coach Vinny Del Negro continues to make mistakes at the coaching position, how long until he is turned on by the players? Or, does Del Negro become a better coach because of his experience in the playoffs? How to players like Tyrus Thomas continue to develop? Word is that he is not the best guy to get along with on the team. How will Derrick Rose fare in his second year with even more expectations heaped upon him? Will the nucleus stay intact. If Ben Gordon gets resigned, will he slack off? Again, magnify all of these because of the expectation of this team being a top 4 east team. It all adds to an exciting year.

2. Oklahoma City Thunder. This team has reached a ranking this low on an upside bigger than Kanye West's ego (Do you like fishsticks?) and Sam Presti's genius. Kevin Durant, Jeff Green, Russel Westbrook, Nenad Kristic, Player X acquired in a genius Sam Presti trade, Shaun Livingston. Everyone should be going crazy over the first five players in that list. Clipper fans will do that over the entire list. This team is going to grow into a powerhouse over time, and their steps of growth will be amazing to follow. There is tons of room for improvement, and the team is willing to put everything aside and focus on winning. The drama is at a minimum, which goes against my previous actions, but you can't ignore this type of talent trying to get it together. I bet this whole team has been hitting the gym day and night for the last week and will continue through until next season starts. I want to see Shaun Livingston make it back as well. He was such a bright talent, and he deserves a second chance after the freak accident that I have still refused to watch on youtube. Sam Presti has made ingenious moves ove the past year, and if he can acquire Player X, he will have created a ridiculously talented team very quickly. Yet this team comes second to . . .

1. Orlando Magic. It's a weird pick, I'm not going to deny it, but there's too much personality, potential, and interest on this team for me to ignore. First off, this team is going to come off either a close defeat to the Cavs, a Finals loss, or a Championship. Response to these situations can vary drastically, and have an impact on player and coach relations in the next year. The tension between Coach Van Gundy and Dwight Howard is already known, and if the Magic lose this year due to coaching problems, we may see whose team this really is, the coach's or the star's based on whether or not Van Gundy gets fired. Jameer Nelson's return will cause problems with the point guard rotation, especially if he struggles. Do the Magic keep Rafer Alston as an unhappy backup (which he will be. He has too much of an ego to settle as a backup and be happy), or will they trade him and acquire another piece to the puzzle. Courtney Lee and J.J. Reddick are slowly developing into good players, it would be great to see where that goes. How will Dwight Howard respond to his lack of offense? Finally, getting to see the vaunted Stan Van Gundy pre-game whiteboard, which is legendary. His coaching ability is amazing, and his personality is one of the best in the league. His interaction and on-goings would be a treat to study for a week, but for a full NBA year? It is something you just can't ignore. The team is going in the right direction, and to add some more drama, regardless of where it finishes this year, it will still be 3rd in the East next year according to analysts, behind Cleveland and Boston. This team has the chance to do something special next year, regardless of what happens this year, and I wish I could be a part of it.